another sleepless night

hi blog,.. its 3.26am here and i cant sleep..i've been staring at his face endlessly. i cant stop these tears from falling..why do all good things come to an end? it breaks my heart hearing him say na nahihirapan siya, di ko rin naman alam gagawin ko..i cant justify my actions coz i know people will say na mali ang lahat. the only thing that's right, yong love namin for each other. they cant take that away from us, not now, not ever. yeah, it hurts to know that he will never be mine. i already said that a couple of times, but still nasasaktan pa rin ako each and everytime. kahit pa gano ko sabihing i'll be ready for the things to come..i feel awkward pag kasama namin mga friends, im not sure if they know something and because they're good people kaya wala akong narinig sa kanila...damn, ang hirap itago ang pagmamahal mo sa isang tao, ke dapat o hindi man syang mahalin. i asked him this last night " would it be better if i just walk away from you? " he said, no. but ano nga ba ang mangyayari if i stay? all i know is masaya akong nakakasama ko siya kahit dito lang. im not ready to let go, dont know if i will ever be...he knows that coz i die a little each time napag uusapan namin about that. my eyes are sobrang namamaga na coz of crying non-stop. selfish ba ako? sometimes, i get angry at myself.dapat alam ko kung saan ako lulugar pero minsan iniisip kong his attention should be on me, mali di ba? kaya nga inaaway ko sarili ko eh.uwi na lang kaya ako ng pinas? no, ayoko syang iwan dito. i wanna be here for him, dito i can take care of him. thats my happiness, yong mapagsilbihan ko sya. just to let him know how much i appreciate him coming to my life, despite the odds..

i love you daddy.

gotta go, sleep na daw kami.